I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
