Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize