My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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