Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
