Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
