Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
