whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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