Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
