smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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