Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
