I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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