Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
