3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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