Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
