his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
