remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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