Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
