but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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