...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
