I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
