My sheets look like a crime scene.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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