A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
