Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
