I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
