What a fucking waste of an outfit
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
