woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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