He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
