He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
