She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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