yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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