Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Ladies don't puke and tell
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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