oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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