Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
