I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
