Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
