how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize