Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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