i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
