return my video game
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
