is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
