oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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