So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
