Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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