hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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