i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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