he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
