Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize