It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
They have beer where we have blood.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
