matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
