So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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