The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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