EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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