Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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