you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
