at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
