There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
