Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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