He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Watching her eat just hurts me
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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