she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
