My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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