Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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