He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
