I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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