he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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