kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
