Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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