I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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