with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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