FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
