hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I smell like Dick and happiness
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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