New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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