Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
