you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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