i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
are you so shy because you have an std?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
